“Eat everything in moderation.”
My dad used to say this all the time when I was growing up. It’s kind of an oxymoron, right? How can someone eat everything they want, but still moderate it?
During the early days of my eating disorder recovery, I came across something in the recovery space called “extreme hunger” (I talk more about this on my Recovery principles page). This is when your body comes out of starvation mode and doesn’t know when it will be fed again — so it tries to take in as much food as possible while it has the chance.
If you’re recovering from something like anorexia, this is terrifying. There’s a deep fear that the hunger will never stop — that you’ll always want food, always be eating, and never feel “in control” again.
But here’s the truth: your body is asking for all the things — calories, carbs, sugar, fat, everything — because you’ve been depriving it for so long. It’s not broken. It’s not greedy. It’s just doing what it was designed to do: keep you alive.
This is the same cycle a lot of chronic dieters go through too:
You restrict → you crave → you eventually break and overeat → then feel shame → and start the cycle all over again. It’s not lack of willpower — it’s biology.
So no, “eating everything in moderation” doesn’t work when you’re coming out of starvation, restriction, or diet culture. First, you have to give yourself full permission to eat — without guilt, shame, or rules. Only after your body trusts that food is always available can you even think about “moderation” in a meaningful way.
A while back, I was at a celebration with some friends. I noticed as the main course was being passed out, my friend opted to eat his partner’s appetizer salad instead. Knowing he didn’t have food allergies or intolerances, I asked him if he didn’t like the type of risotto they were serving. He responded, “No, I just don’t trust myself to stop after one plate because I have no self-control.” I asked if he felt he was missing out, and he said, “No, because I feel so much better when I don’t overeat.”
I left the dinner party thinking about 1. how unsatisfied he must’ve felt munching on cold leaves while watching everyone else savor gooey, hot, sticky risotto. I have been there too many times to count- you think you’re the exception, that you can’t participate in life’s goodness like everyone else, because your body is the problem. and 2. It’s only a matter of time before his biological need for carbs overrides his mental willpower and he overeats, then feels shame.
Now, writing this, I’m reflecting on how our brains categorize things into extremes. My extreme narrative: “to cure my anorexia, I must become a binge eater.” His extreme: “to curb my binge-eating tendencies, I must avoid all foods that I like.”
While I haven’t struggled with binge eating, I’ve gone through treatment with many people who have.
And surprisingly, the message from their treatment team was similar to mine:
Ignoring your body’s hunger signals creates mistrust.
If you always say no — if you fear food, restrict it, or avoid it — your body and brain begin to panic when you finally have that food again.
The result? You feel out of control, anxious, or ashamed.
So I’ll leave you with this:
What if you ran a little experiment?
What if you allowed yourself to eat everything you truly crave… would you still want it in the same way?
Maybe not.
Maybe, when your body feels safe and knows food is always available, you won’t need to obsess over it.
Maybe the answer isn’t “moderation” —
Maybe the answer is permission.